As he usually does, our beloved editor, publisher and gadabout came to me with all the stories for this issue of HQ (the term I use because if I say it quickly enough at parties people hear it wrong and think I write for GQ). And as he usually does, young Jack asked for my blessing on the articles. Usually, I give a dismissive wave of my hand, and he happily runs off to his little printing presses or whatever, to go do that voodoo that he doo so well.

This time, he struck a nerve. When I saw the article about the Top 10 Dishes in Huntington, I suddenly yearned for things that have sadly faded from reality. So, I have come up with the “Top 10  Dishes That Ain’t Around No More In Huntington.” Let us proceed in alphabetical order...

Albrecht’s Doughnuts. I hear the multitude of voices: “Clint! Are you mad? Albrecht’s was known for its fried chicken!” Very true. But if you make that claim it only means you were never at Albrecht’s around 7 a.m. when their doughnuts were fresh out of the grease and newly dipped in glaze. Still warm, dripping with that semi-opaque sugary-goo, I do believe it was physically impossible to eat more than three at one sitting because the accumulated goodness would cause your synapses to shut down. And trust me, I tried.

Bluegrass Grill’s Onion Rings. Okay, it wasn’t technically in Huntington (more like Ashland) but it’s my list and I can put whatever I want on it. These were perfect. Forget eggs, forget honey, forget manna from heaven. This was the perfect food. I wish I had frozen a couple of tons of them before it closed.

Burger Chef’s Big Chef. For 42 years Burger Chef said, “We ain’t lettin’ you just run away with this, McDonald’s!” The fact that they fought the good fight for more than four decades probably has to do with the fact that there were two of them (Burger Chef and Jeff) and only one Ronald McDonald. Although Jeff mysteriously vanished in the early 1990’s, the Chef persevered. I loved Burger Chef for a kit and caboodle of reasons: they flame-broiled; they toasted the buns; they were the first ones to offer combo meals; they gave away Star Wars toys in their value meals; they had a “Batburger.” A freakin’ Batburger for crying out loud, inspired by the Batman TV show! But most importantly, they had the Ark of the Covenant of fast food sandwiches – the Big Chef. Two meat patties, shredded lettuce, cheese and some substance called “Big Chef Sauce.” I know not what ingredients made up the “Big Chef Sauce,” but I would not be surprised if they included “baby’s laughs” and “slices of Heaven.” Burger Chef gave up the fight in 1996, but I have heard rumors that the Big Chef would someday reappear. I don’t believe. After all, we never saw  Jeff  again.

Calamity Cafe’s Mother Earth Pasta. Oh Calamity, we hardly knew ye. This is one of those cases where my obsessive love for one particular dish came back to bite me on the butt. I loved the Mother Earth Pasta and never ordered anything else from the Calamity menu. I was living in a fantasy land where the Calamity would always be open. Since the place closed I have heard from a million people about other items on the bill of faire that I never got a chance to sample. Thank you, Big Tobacco Companies! (I don’t know what that has to do with anything, but I’ve always wanted to write it in a column).

Frank’s Sandwich Shop’s Steak Sandwich with Hots. I’ve already written an entire column about these gargantuas of gastronomic greatness. If I write about them again, it will only rekindle the longing for that amazing combination?of beefy flavor and searing heat, and my heart can’t take the sadness.

 

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